#FAT

Steve's Texas Adventure, with a few other fools 

Part 1: Comprised of Travel Tuesday, Where Are We Wednesday, and Tequila Thursday

After five days in the Lone Star State, I am finally back on New York soil where I belong. Don't misunderstand me, though: I. LOVE. TEXAS. My next few blog posts will go into great detail about my unbelievable travels, and I'm sure that by the end of it you'll love Texas too.


Our saga begins on a stormy Tuesday morning, rain falling in sheets all over Long Island. Normally, a dark and dreary Tuesday would suck the life right out of me (especially since I was up early to head to work), but I couldn't have been any happier. Today was the start of something beautiful. I sauntered into work and utter chaos. My manager was still reeling from the day before when my replacement left for lunch and never came back. To make matters worse, one of the assistants got a wee bit confused and mistook herself for one of the dentists of the practice. Because I was leaving work at noon none of that really mattered to me. Three hours of hard work later (I'm not joking-I worked hard) and I had freedom by the reigns. There is not much to say about my travels. Cab to train station. Train to NYC. Bus to Boston. T to Shayna's stop. Shayna's car to Shayna's house. Simple enough.

Shayna is a lovely individual. She so kindly welcomed me into her house for the night so that I could fly out of Logan with her and Michael the next morning (they were my Texas companions, you may know them as fools). Although Shayna and I agreed on getting to bed early in preparation for our next day of travels, the fates had something else in mind. Distracted by a British comedy (Hot Fuzz), we weren't in bed much before 1:00. When you go to bed at 1:00 a.m., 5:00 a.m. comes really early. Actually, regardless of when you go to bed, 5:00 a.m. comes really early.

Our travels on Wednesday were relatively bland. Other than having our flight delayed roughly thirty minutes due to an "armrest malfunction" (aka "can't watch TV syndrome") everything seemed to go well. Michael even made it to the airport in time (there was some serious doubt in our hearts whether he would remember to set an alarm). A mere four hours later, Texas was upon us.

In Texas, no place is safe from tornadoes. 

We found Marissa waiting for us at baggage claim, looking stunning as always. It is here that our story begins in earnest. I snatched up co-pilot position so I could most effectively control the Texas playlist I had made (without the help of the fools. It's okay, I'm not bitter). Marissa handed me her phone and said I needed to give her directions to get home. This was the start of what could be called "Marissa and the Struggle to Go Anywhere". She's stellar, just not savvy when it comes to navigating.

Waiting our arrival at La Casa Marissa were Mama B (words can't begin to describe how wonderful she is), Maya (Marissa's exceptional younger sister), Sirus (the cutest dog you'll ever meet), Bella (the scariest dog you'll ever meet), and of course sweet tea. [Marissa's dad met us later on for dinner.] Naturally we had to get settled before our touring could truly begin. Part of settling included leafing through Marissa's surplus stock of scrapbooks. I love these books for two main reasons: 1. Marissa writes just like I do, so I feel like I'm just reading a blog post, and 2. her scrapbooks make me feel better about my life.

Well rested and with a buzz from the sweet tea, we scuttled off to Chapps, a burger joint that brings a smile to my face. From this point on the food came on in droves, hence the title of this post. The most notable part of the afternoon was our first trip to Sonic. On Long Island there is one Sonic and it isn't even close to me. After suffering through millions of their commercials for the past twenty yeas and being unable to get some of the good stuff for myself, I was ready to try the real thing. Wow is about all I can muster at the moment.

In keeping with the nature of our Texas adventure and the title of post, I bring you our drinks. When you have a coupon, the largest size is significantly cheaper than the smallest. Enter Texas, where everything (and everyone) is bigger. Sonic forces you to get the largest size not because you are thirsty, but because it was more fiscally sound to super size.

The rest of the day included shopping in various Texas stores and, namely, trying on real boots. Though beyond comfortable, they were a bit out my price range (and would have been absolutely useless up north). We struck pure gold in the LifeWay Christian Goods store. I'm not sure words can adequately paint the picture for you, so I'm just going to give you these snaps. 

 Note the accompanying biblical verse.

Dinner that night was a traditional Texas feast, which essentially is summed up in one word: friedgoodness. Babe's (also known as "That Chicken Shack" by Mrs. B) was eye opening. Things started off with a salad. Being the ignorant, blithering idiot that I am, I assumed that we would be eating a nice and healthy salad before our artery clogging meal. That is almost the case. Almost. A salad it was, however the dressing was a delectable sugar vinaigrette. Almost immediately the food just appeared and kept reappearing until my stomach threatening to explode from a surfeit of Texas meats. Fried chicken, smoked chicken, biscuits, chicken fried steak (what?!), mashed potatoes, green beans cooked with bacon grease, chocolate pie. Everything was so amazingly good that you had to at least try it all. My stomach quakes in fear just remembering that night. What an introduction to the Texas lifestyle. 

That night was simple enough. Straight chillin' with Sirius until bedtime. The highlight of my evening was definitely when I walked into Marissa's room (where Shayna and I were to be sleeping) only to find a little chocolate on my pillow. I just about died right there. As you may have been able to infer from my direct statement, Shayna and I were bed buddies the first night. Marissa took up residence with Maya, and Michael drew the short straw and found himself on the other side of the house in the mother-in-law room (designed to make sure that guests didn't overstay their welcome...). Also, Marissa enlightened us to the mechanics behind  feeling it. All around, pretty educational. 

Thursday morning was fantastic. Shanya, Michael, Marissa, and I left the house earlyish to grab some breakfast tacos before starting our day. Holy Jerusalem they were phenomenal. And cheap. Sooo cheap. After breakfast we headed down to Marissa's old high school to help Maya get acquainted with it, since she is making the plunge into high school life within the next few weeks. 

After a second trip to Sonic was completed we raced down to Fort Worth to continue our day.  Our first stop was the botanical gardens, where I was like a kid in a candy shop. With spectacular specimens everywhere and camera in hand, I didn't stop until we finally left the gardens. Here are some of the beauties I got to marvel at in person. I even stumbled upon a chocolate mint that reminded me of my own little one back home. 

The Texas Boardwalk of the gardens (designed mainly to inspire youngsters to question their environment and pique their interest in nature) asked the important questions. 

Following our soiree with some magical botanical wonders, we headed down to the Fort Worth Stockyards (all the while, I'm navigating for Marisa who is blissfully clueless regarding the directions). Helloo Texas. Complete with a real life cattle drive, a mechanical bull (of which I am champion), and all the Texas shops you could imagine, Fort Worth was totally worth it (ohmygod I need to be stopped). Everything makes more sense (or less sense maybe) once you've seen the following pictures. 

 In Texas, smokers are a must have. For dinner on Thursday, smoked brisket was to be on the menu, however the brisket decided to take the smoker's mantra "low and slow" a little to seriously. The brisket, thrown into the smoker around 1:00 p.m., wasn't ready much before 2:00 a.m. Instead, we had delicious frito pie (I'm not even kidding), jello salad (still not kidding), rice, beans, and homemade peach cobbler. The food never ends in Texas, just like the waistlines. 

After dinner we had the pleasure of watching Marissa attempt to make margaritas. Complete with far too much salt and far too little tequila, Marissa's idea of a good margarita is a bit questionable. Note the excess of salt below. Everything really is bigger in Texas, including the salt rims. 

Bedtime Thursday night was quite the funny matter. We decided to all lay down on Marissa's bed for a while before going to sleep for the night. For some reason, laying down to relax turned into "Push Michael off the Bed 2K13". There were many casualties, including a little Miss Riss and I take full responsibility (even if it wasn't my fault). Ever since I failed at pulling Marissa back onto the bed, our friendship has grown even stronger (you are much better for having overcome adversity). Once we settled down for a second time, our laziness (mostly likely a result of the high levels of grease clogging our blood stream) led to the four of us sharing the bed for the night. Cuddle Party #1 had officially begun as the sun set on Day #2. 

That's all you're going to get for now, even though there are still three more days full of Texas fun to be recounted. As usual here are my garden shots of late. I've begun the process of drying my basil and parsley! If you aren't already hooked on the Texas story (which I'm sure you are because you've made it to the end of this behemoth of a post), you'll have to come back within the next few days to see the second stage of my drying process. Peace, love, plants.